Unexpected Consequences
by adelaidybug
Summary: Two weeks after they return from Mount Weather, Raven's not feeling so good.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first thing I've written for The 100 fandom, so I hope it's okay.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own The 100 or any of its characters. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

Raven was working on a particularly smelly project with Wick in the lab. It had been two weeks since Clarke had left, and things had been peaceful. The Grounders had left the Sky People alone, and as winter approached, Camp Jaha was busy preparing shelter, clothing, and food. Meanwhile, the engineer and the mechanic were building space heaters. Unfortunately for them, the chemicals needed for the job produced noxious fumes that forced them to take breaks every half-hour to avoid brain damage. They were on their fifth half-hour shift when all of a sudden Raven felt extremely nauseated. Getting up, she bolted toward the door and barely made it outside before emptying her stomach of breakfast, and quite possibly dinner and lunch from the day before. She leaned heavily on the outside of the building as she caught her breath.

"You okay, wrench monkey?"

She nodded shakily.

"Guess those fumes really are toxic."

They stayed outside for several minutes, and finally Raven straightened.

"You ready to go back in?"

Nodding, the woman entered the lab again. Before she even made it to the bench, she was stumbling back outside again to throw up. There wasn't much left in her stomach, and she dry-heaved for what seemed like a small eternity before sliding down the wall to sit on the ground.

"We should probably bring you to Abby to make sure you're going to be okay."

She nodded, and Wick helped her up, both making their way to the med bay.

"What's going on?" Abby asked, gesturing for them to sit down.

"We've been dealing with some toxic chemicals in the lab, and Raven started throwing up."

"Are you keeping hydrated?" Abby asked, checking Raven's pulse and blood pressure.

"Probably not as much as I should."

"Your blood pressure is a little low, so I'm going to have you stay here, rest for a bit, and re-hydrate."

"Fine."

Raven ended up throwing up twice during the exam and Abby was a bit concerned.

"I'm going to take a sample of your blood to make sure everything's okay and you don't have an infection from the bone marrow drilling or anything."

"Okay."

After Abby took her blood, she sent Raven to her tent to go to bed. Surprisingly, Raven didn't put up a fight. She felt tired and sick and just wanted to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Raven woke up, flailing in her sheets for a moment before jumping out of bed to throw up outside her tent. An hour later, she went back to the lab not bothering to get breakfast. Wick had rigged some of the mountain men's helmets to an air filtration system so that they wouldn't get sick. They worked hard that morning, Raven still feeling rather light-headed, but trying to ignore it. Midway through the morning, Raven was in the middle of a fairly complicated wiring job when she knew she was going to throw up. She immediately let go of the wires, which began to spark as she ran for the door. She ripped her helmet off as she got outside, and when Wick got to her, she was was dry-heaving.

"Hey, maybe you shouldn't be working with those chemicals anymore."

The girl groaned, wiping her mouth.

"Raven, take a few minutes in the fresh air, okay?"

She nodded, taking a few calming breaths.

Just then, Abby walked over to the two of them.

"Hey doc," Wick said.

"I need to speak with Raven. Would you come to the med bay please?"

"Is something wrong?" the girl asked, her voice raspy.

"I just need to speak with you alone."

Raven nodded and followed Abby to the med bay. The doctor sat down, and asked Raven to do the same.

"What's wrong, Abby?"

"Raven, I ran a few different tests on the blood sample I took. You're not sick."

"So why did you ask me to come here?"

"Raven, you're pregnant."

"W-what? No, I can't be.'

"I'm afraid you are. Do you know who the father is?"

"Of course I do. But we only did it like twice!"

"It only takes once."

"But… I can't do this. Abby, you have to take it out. You have to get rid of it."

"Raven, I don't have the supplies to give you an abortion safely."

"I can't have a baby, Abby! I'm nineteen."

"I know this is difficult. But trying to get rid of it without the proper equipment would endanger your life. You'd be at a high risk for infection, severe damage, even death."

At this, Raven's lip began to quiver.

"Raven, I will be here for you. Your friends will support you. You won't be alone in this."

The girl looked down at her flat stomach, still in denial that this was really happening.

"Abby, I'm scared."

"I know, sweetheart. I know." Abby got up, and moved over to Raven, wrapping her in a hug.

After about 20 minutes of calming down, Raven got up and joined her friends for lunch. She tried to act normal, but she felt like she was dying.

"Raven, are you okay?" Jasper asked as the woman sat down at the table.

"I'm fine."

"Your eyes are red."

"Probably from the fumes in the lab."

Raven uneasily took a bite of the meat that was for lunch. She hadn't eaten anything since the morning before, and she knew she needed to. Apparently, her stomach thought otherwise. She only got about 3 bites in before dashing off to the edge of camp in order to throw up. Octavia had gone to look for her, and met her as she went back into the main part of the camp.

"Raven, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she croaked, wincing. Her throat hurt and her voice sounded raspy.

"No you're not. What's wrong?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to cry.

"Raven, come on. Just because I haven't been around much, that doesn't mean I don't care about what's going on with you."

The older girl rubbed her forehead, sighing.

"Are you sick?" Octavia asked, suddenly very worried.

"Sort of."

"Please. You can tell me."

"You have to promise not to tell the others."

The girl nodded solemnly.

"I'm… I'm pregnant, Octavia."

"Oh... Shit."

"Yep," Raven said, her voice breaking as she started to cry.

"Is it Wick's?"

The older girl nodded.

"It's going to be okay, Raven."

"How? How is it going to be okay? I can't even walk without this damn brace, and now I'm going to have a kid to chase around? And what if the kid wanders off and gets eaten by a mutant animal or kidnapped by a Reaper, or killed by a Grounder?"

"The Grounders don't kill children."

"I can't have a child, Octavia!"

"Couldn't Abby… Do something about it?"

"She said she doesn't have the equipment to do it safely."

"Maybe I could ask Lincoln if he knows of anything."

"I need to think about it for a little bit."

"Okay."

The two walked back together, Octavia grabbing Raven's hand and squeezing it.

"Whatever you decide, it's going to be okay."


	2. Chapter 2

That night Raven slept like a rock. In the morning, she got up wearily and sipped out of her flask of water. She knew if she drank a lot, she'd just throw it back up. She moved about slowly as a headache pounded in her temple. Raven pulled on her pants, then put her brace on, pulled her shirt over her head, and started walking toward the lab.

"Hey wrench monkey," Wick greeted her as she put on her oxygen mask. They were almost done with the project, and Raven was looking forward to not having to wear so much equipment.

"Raven, you don't look very good."

"Nice, Wick."

"You just look really pale. Is this about the fumes? I can finish the project by myself, if you need me to."

"Just shut up and hand me the damn pipe wrench."

Wick did so, watching her closely.

Two hours later, Raven was piecing together a few parts when everything began to shift about her. She looked around the room, hearing a peculiar roaring noise, and things seemed to go dark as she felt herself fall to the ground.

"Raven!" she heard, rather muffled.

* * *

She opened her eyes, seeing that she was in the med bay. Raven tried to say "shit," but it came out as a small cough.

"Oh, thank god," Abby's voice came from somewhere Raven couldn't see. She felt weak, and didn't want to move. The doctor came into view, kneeling beside her.

"What happened?" Raven asked wearily.

"You passed out. You've been unconscious for six hours. I put you on an IV because you're dehydrated, but you need to eat something."

"I'll just throw it back up."

"I've got some broth for you. I just want you to try."

Abby helped Raven sit up more, propping her up with the blanket.

"Do you feel like you're going to pass out?"

"No."

The doctor pulled out a flask and poured some broth into a tin cup, handing it to Raven. The young woman hesitantly brought the cup to her mouth, taking a tiny sip and waiting.

"How's that?"

"Fine," she said, taking another small sip.

"That doesn't have a lot of nutrition in it, so I want to get you eating more, but at least it's a start."

Raven was about to take another small sip, when she felt bile rising in her throat.

"Abby-" she said, covering her mouth with her hands, and dropping the mug, which spilled down her stomach and onto the cot.

The doctor quickly shoved a bucket into Raven's lap, and the girl threw up for several agonizing minutes. When it was over, Abby took the bucket away, and Raven lay back, exhausted. She was sweaty but cold, and for all the world, the only thing she wanted was to be able to ingest something without throwing up. Abby mopped up the spilled broth while Raven hiccuped, then shuttered, trying not to throw up again. She was too exhausted to be embarrassed when she began to cry.

"Raven, do you want me to try to-"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe Lincoln knows of some herbs that could make me stop puking. I… I want to keep it if I can."

"Okay. I'll go talk with Lincoln about it right now. Do you need anything."

"No."

"Raven, does Octavia know?"

"Yep. I told her yesterday."

"Okay, good. That'll make it easier."

Abby left a bucket within Raven's reach, and left to find Lincoln. An hour later, Raven awoke from dozing as a cool washcloth wiped the sweat from her brow. Octavia was sitting on the edge of the cot.

"Here," she said, bringing a mug of steaming liquid toward Raven.

"No," she managed despite her scratchy throat.

"It's tea made with herbs Lincoln and I gathered. It'll help, I promise."

Raven parted her lips and took a tiny sip from the mug Octavia brought to her lips. It was spicy and sweet, and not entirely terrible. Raven waited to see how it settled. Her stomach gave a small gurgle, but did nothing to indicate it wouldn't accept the herbal beverage.

"Do you want more?"

She nodded ever so slightly, and Octavia brought the mug back to Raven's lips again.

With much coaxing and a few threats from Octavia, she finished the whole mug, but wouldn't eat anything. She couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, and again fell asleep.

Her dreams were wrought with calls of her name. Some of them sounded like Octavia, some like Abby, and some like Wick. None of them disturbed her slumber. She dreamed for what seemed like forever; nightmares from Mount Weather, of grounders chasing her through the woods, of being held back while a baby (her baby?) was taken from its crib by grounders.

"Raven?"

She tried to wake up, but she couldn't. She dreamed on. Her and Wick were building a new Arc, blasting back off into space. Clarke was killing Finn, over and over again. She was in space, floating, nothing around her.

"Raven?" She felt someone shaking her slightly. She couldn't wake up. She was too tired. Too sick. She melted back into her dreams. The grounder princess and Clarke were both taking turns cutting her with their knives, laughing at her screams. Finn was dead. Wick was dead. Everyone was dead.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading and please review! I love comments and ideas, so send them my way.**


	3. Chapter 3

**So... this chapter was super depressing to write. I hope it's not too awful to read, but there were things that needed to happen that were unavoidable.**

* * *

"Raven, honey, I need you to open your eyes for me."

She didn't want to move or think. She just wanted to sleep for a very long time. When she was sleeping, she wasn't puking. Suddenly, someone was opening one of her eyelids and flashing a light, and she squeezed her eye shut, her hand reaching up and pushing someone away.

"Are you awake?"

"Yeah," she grated out, blinking in the bright light.

"We need you to drink some more tea and then eat something."

The girl groaned, closing her eyes.

"Come on, sweetie," Abby said, patting her face lightly.

Raven sighed, and opened her eyes to see a mug being brought toward her lips. She decided to be compliant and take a sip.

"Good girl."

Raven glared at Abby. She hated being patronized. She took a few more sips, and then the doctor replaced the mug for a bowl with a spoon. Raven managed about 5 spoonfuls of the chunky soup, and then began to get tired.

"Just take a couple more bites for me."

She took two more spoonfuls of soup, and then realized with more than a little annoyance that she needed to relieve herself-badly.

"Abby, I need to pee."

"Okay."

The doctor got her brace-which had been taken off the day before-and helped her put it on, then helped her toward the private restroom in the med bay. It was little more than a chamber pot and a bottle of hand sanitizer. When she was done, Raven emerged from the room, feeling dizzy and exhausted. She made her way back to her sick room, and Abby made her eat another half-bowl of soup.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked, giving her fragile digestive system a minute to rest.

"About 34 hours."

"What?"

"We couldn't wake you. I was getting very concerned. We've got to get your nausea under control. Your body and your baby need more food." Abby was about to say more, when she realized Raven was asleep again.

* * *

She woke again, losing whatever was in her stomach. She could feel her esophagus burning with stomach acid. Things were blurry, and her head ached. No one was around to keep her awake, so she went to sleep again.

* * *

"Raven, wake up." A bit of cold water was dripped onto her forehead, and the girl growled, wiping her face. She was surprised to find how weak she was. Her hand was shaky, and she was exhausted just from the effort it took to bring it up to her face.

"You need some food."

She didn't have the energy to protest. Her saliva felt thick in her mouth, and at the smell of the soup, she gagged. She didn't have anything to throw up, but spat, shuttering.

"Raven, it's okay."

She could still smell the food too near, and coughed before mumbling "Get it away. I can still smell it. Get it away!"

"Okay. Okay." Octavia left her for a moment, and the smell was gone. "Raven, how about a little water. There's no smell."

She groaned, but nodded. Octavia helped to prop her up slightly, then held a bottle to her lips. Raven took a small sip, then pulled away.

"You know," Raven said in a scratchy voice, "I thought I was going to die when Murphy shot me. And then again when I was blown up by my own bomb. And then again when I got drilled by the mountain men. I guess it never really crossed my mind that I'd die from getting pregnant."

"You're not going to die, Raven."

"I'm not an idiot. If I can't eat more and drink more, I'll die."

"Supplies are coming from Mount Weather. There will be things that can help you."

"Do you know that, or are you just hoping?"

Octavia smiled sadly.

"Have some more water."

She took another sip, then began to doze, when she felt something tight around her upper arm. Opening her eyes, she saw Abby swabbing her arm.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you an IV. I should have done it earlier, but we have to conserve medical equipment. We don't have any medications for you, but the fluids will keep you hydrated."

The doctor stuck her with the needle, then flushed it with a syringe of something. She then attached plastic tubing connected with a bag of clear fluid. Raven got a metallic taste in her mouth and then felt a chill run through her as the liquid started to go into her vein.

* * *

Awareness was fleeting for a while. She finally woke to Octavia patting her face.

"I've got tea."

"Don't you have something better to do?"

"No, not really," Octavia said with a smile.

"You know, everyone's been worried," The warrior girl said as Raven took small sips of tea.

"Have you told anyone?"

"Of course not."

She nodded in thanks, then shut her eyes, dozing off. Octavia was quick to pat her cheek until she woke up again, groaning.

"Hey, you've gotta eat."

Raven reluctantly accepted a spoonful of soup, but seconds later, it was coming back up. Octavia got her a bucket, but not before she had vomited down her shirt. When she was finished, Octavia gave her a damp cloth to wipe her mouth and face.

"You need anything?"

She shook her head, wiping her eyes.

"How about I go wash your shirt while you take a rest?"

Raven nodded appreciatively, then with some effort, pulled off her vomit-stained shirt, handing it to Octavia. Pulling her blanket up, she fell back to sleep.

* * *

Octavia went out to the washing station at the camp, where she rinsed out Raven's shirt. Just then, Wick approached her.

"Octavia, how's Raven?"

"She's okay."

"I haven't seen her in a week. Is she contagious or something? Abby won't let me see her."

"No, she's not contagious. Honestly, she just doesn't have a lot of energy for visitors."

"What's wrong with her?"

She shrugged, trying to imply she didn't know.

Octavia hurried out of the conversation, and when she got back to the med bay, Raven was awake and throwing up. When she finally finished, she looked up at the warrior girl and burst into tears. Octavia wasn't sure what to do. Raven was less like herself every moment.

"Raven, you're going to be okay. We're going to load you up with tea, and get this morning sickness under control, and then in what… 7 months? You'll have a baby."

The young woman closed her eyes, relieved to hear something positive. Even if it was all lies, she just needed to hear that it was going to be okay. With that knowledge, she fell asleep.

* * *

The next day, Raven was conscious for several hours, and Wick was insisting to see her.

"Raven," Abby said, "Wick's outside. He wants to see you. Is that okay with you?"

She thought for a moment, then nodded. It's not like he could just look at her and tell she was pregnant.

"Hey, slacker."

"Hey." Her voice grated past her throat unpleasantly.

"You look like shit."

"Thanks."

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Working on it."

"I finished working on the heaters."

"Good."

She was exhausted, and was trying hard to keep the conversation going, but only ended up with a few short words. Wick hadn't known she was feeling this bad. He felt guilty for even visiting her.

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?"

She shook her head.

"I could bring something for you to work on. Some designs of mine for you to crap on."

"I've just been sleeping a lot. I don't really have the energy to do much…" Despite her best efforts, she yawned.

"Does that mean I should go?"

"What no, I just-" she was cut off by another yawn.

"I'll go. Feel better, okay Wrench Monkey?"

She nodded and slumped back in bed.

After Wick left, Abby glanced at her knowingly.

"What, Abby?"

"When are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll just say it's Finn's baby."

" _Raven._ "

"I know."

* * *

Halfway through the following week, Raven was still feeling like crap. Abby got some anti-emetics from Mount Weather, but they only did so much. She was still losing weight and barely managing one meal a day. Abby, Jackson, Octavia, and Lincoln were the only ones who knew, and they did their best to keep her pregnancy a secret until she was ready to tell other people. It was not an easy task. Bellamy, Jasper, and Monty all wanted to know what was going on with her. They had all come to visit her, each on different days, so as not to tire her out too much.

* * *

One day Jasper finally popped the question while he was visiting, showing Raven a project he had been helping Wick with. Octavia was braiding Raven's hair away from her face so it didn't get vomit on it.

"So… what are you actually sick with?"

Raven looked up at Octavia in alarm.

"Um...I'm getting better."

"But what do you have?"

"I… I can't tell you that. I'll tell you soon."

"Does Octavia know?"

The warrior girl glanced down at Raven, waiting for her to respond.

"Yes, she does."

"Octavia, is Raven dying?"

"No."

"Really, that's it?"

"Yup. Until she wants to say more, I'm not telling you anything."

Raven smiled at Octavia, but her face fell as she suddenly felt ill.

"Oct-" The warrior had already brought the bucket up to meet her as Raven gagged and retched.

"Holy shit," Jasper said.

"Jasper, you should go," Octavia said.

"Do you want me to get Abby?" Jasper asked.

"No, it's okay."

Jasper left, and Raven continued to be sick.

When her stomach stopped trying to turn inside out, Raven wiped her mouth, looking up at Octavia.

"I'm going to go crazy, O. If I don't die first, I'm going to go crazy."

"First of all, stop talking about dying. You're not going to die. But yeah… If I were in your shoes, I'd be going crazy too."

"I think I should tell Wick tomorrow."

"I think so too."

"But what if… what if he doesn't…"

"He got you into this mess. If he doesn't take responsibility I'll string him up by his testicles and we'll all take turns stabbing him, like the grounders do."

Raven winced slightly at the reference to her torture, which hadn't been that long ago. A moment later, though, she smiled. Although Wick was strong, she had little doubt that Octavia could deck him. She knew, even if he didn't support her, that she had people looking after her.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day,Wick came in to visit her after the work day, and Abby had propped her up with blankets and pillows so that she didn't have to look up at him. She had kept down a bowl of soup that day, which was an accomplishment, but was still hopelessly weak and pale. There was an IV pumping fluids into her, and one of the medical staff came in to check her vitals every hour.

"How are you feeling today, wrench monkey?"

"Tired."

"Hmm. Well, I brought something that might cheer you up."

"That can wait, Kyle. I need to tell you something."

He could see that below the girl's tired exterior, she was terrified.

"Okay…" he said slowly, "What is it?"

"I haven't been… Well, I'm not really sick. I mean I am, but that's not the main issue."

"What are you talking about?"

"Kyle… I'm- I'm pregnant."

He stared at her for a long time, not saying anything

"Wick?"

"Is it mine?"

"Of course it is. Whose else would it be?"

"I don't know, I'm just trying to process this. So… pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Is it normal that you're this sick?"

"I have really bad morning sickness. Abby says I'm at risk to lose the baby if I can't keep more food down."

Wick stood and moved to kneel beside her. He kissed her on the forehead. "We're going to get you better"

"You're not mad?" Raven asked quietly.

"Of course not. I'm still kind of processing it, but I'm also really happy."

Raven smiled, closing her eyes sleepily, and Wick let her drift off to sleep.

* * *

A few hours later, Raven awoke gagging and quickly grabbed the bucket beside her, spending several minutes releasing the contents of her stomach, which was mostly bile.

"Wow, that's bad," said Wick, once it was finally over.

Raven allowed herself a tiny nod. She put a hand to her forehead, trying to rub away the headache that had taken over two weeks before.

"Do you want some water?"

She nodded, and he stood, grabbing a flask from a table and unscrewing the top. He put it to her lips, and she took a small sip. She winced, and all of a sudden flailed and grabbed for the bucket again, spending several more minutes heaving over it. Her whole body seemed to ache. Her joints were stiff and sore. When she was finally done, she let out a shaky sigh, looking dejected.

"Hey, come here. It's okay." Wick sat down on her bed and pulled her into his arms. He held her for a long time, not saying anything; feeling her breathe against him. He gently touched her face, which was grey and clammy.

"Kyle, what were you going to show me to cheer me up?"

"Huh? Oh yeah! I brought you a miniature version of our space heaters. It must be getting pretty cold in here at night." She nodded. He pulled out a small metal box with a grate, then flipped a switch, and warm air began to blow out from it.

"Thanks Wick," she said, resting her head against his chest. Eventually, she fell asleep as he stroked her hair. He knew she wouldn't be nearly this snuggly and open and kind if she wasn't so sick. This concerned him, but he also decided to take advantage of it while he could.

Abby walked in and saw Wick and Raven snuggled together on the bed.

"So she told you?" She whispered.

He nodded.

"Why is she so sick? I've seen lots of pregnant people, and none of them were like this."

"She has hyperemesis gravidarum. It's basically morning sickness from hell. She's having trouble keeping any food down."

"Yeah, she's supposed to be getting fatter. How much weight has she lost?"

"Too much. Our only hope is to try to get her eating a little more, and supplementing with other means. I'm hoping to give her either a PICC line or a feeding tube in the next few days, which will help.."

He looked down at her, holding her a little tighter.

"She has a real chance, but she needs our support."

He nodded.

* * *

Raven slept and slept. It was the next day that she woke up, and found Wick sketching something.

"Another design for me to crap on?"

He looked up.

"You're awake. Good." He picked up a bowl of soup and brought it toward her.

She groaned.

"Come on, Wrench Monkey. You've gotta eat."

Sighing, she allowed Wick to help her to a sitting position. He handed her the spoon, and she carefully sipped some of the liquid. She took a shaky breath, making sure her stomach wouldn't reject the food. After a moment, she took another sip.

"How's that?"

"Fine."

"How are you feeling?"

"Great."

"Really? Great?"

She sighed.

"You can be honest with me, Raven."

"I feel like shit, Wick. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I just want to hear the truth."

"The truth is, I'm exhausted."

He stared at her, not saying anything. She continued to carefully sip at her soup, and finally finished the bowl.

"Hey, good job!"

The woman glared at him for patronizing her, then fell asleep.

* * *

"Raven, wake up."

Octavia was above her with a mug of tea. She took a sip of it, then realized she needed to pee. She shifted slightly and noticed with alarm that Wick was gone.

"Where's-"

"He's just taking a rest. He hasn't abandoned you or anything."

She gave a little nod. Since when was she so dependant? Hopefully it was just the hormones. She sat up, wincing at the black spots in her vision. Her body was hopelessly fragile.

"Raven, sit back and drink your tea." Octavia looked a bit haggard, but Raven decided not to mention it.

"No, I've gotta pee. Can you hand me my brace?"

She picked it up off the ground and helped her slide it onto her leg. Raven fastened it, then slowly stood.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay," Octavia said, unbelieving.

She started walking toward the door, but stopped partway there, swaying.

"Raven?"

Octavia quickly moved across the room to catch her as she fell.

"Raven? Raven, wake up. Help! Someone help!"

Abby came in moments later, and checked the girl's pulse.

"No pulse!" she yelled, and a few moments after, Jackson came in and helped Abby carry the girl into another room. Octavia was left sitting on the floor of the sickroom, shaking.

* * *

4 hours later, Abby left the operating room, looking exhausted. Wick was sitting outside, desperate for news.

"Is she..."

"She'll survive. We restarted her heart, and I gave her a nasojejunal tube, through which she'll get fluids and nutrition support. It gives her and the baby a much better chance. I considered giving her a PICC line, which is similar to an IV, but there are fewer risks with the nj tube, and I think he deserves as little risk as possible. I'm also putting her on a heart medication. I don't know if she ever mentioned her heart condition… It was pretty minor, but with the stress that has been put on her heart recently, it just couldn't keep up. The medication should help her. For the next few weeks, we're going to have her rest, and after that-if she's feeling better-she can start working again."

"Can I see her?"

"She won't be up for a while."

"I still want to see her."

The doctor nodded.

He went in and saw the sickly-looking woman laying motionless. She had a tube going into her nose, taped onto her face. It lead to a bag of white liquid. Her IV had been taken out. Sitting down next to her, he grabbed one of her hands and held it. He noticed someone outside the plastic flaps that served as the door.

"Octavia?"

She came in, staying near the exit. "I'm sorry," she said in a haunted voice. She was looking almost as grey as Raven.

"For what?"

"It's my fault her heart stopped. I shouldn't have let her move around without me helping her."

"It's not your fault."

"But-"

"No, you're not going to blame yourself. She had heart issues to begin with. And she's fine now. So don't blame yourself, okay? She's fine, and you're fine and we're all just… fine."

She nodded hesitantly and drew a bit closer to the unconscious mechanic.

"What's that… thing?" She asked, pointing toward her own nose.

"A feeding tube. Abby says it'll help."

"Raven's not going to be happy about another thing that gets in the way."

"She'll get over it."

Octavia stayed there for a few hours, then had to leave to help make supper. All the children and teens above the age of 7 took shifts helping with various jobs around camp, one of which was kitchen duty.

* * *

Raven awoke, feeling ill. She groaned.

"Raven?"

She opened her eyes, squinting and blinking. Her eyes were watering, and Wick wiped tears from her cheeks.

"Hi." His fingers lingered on her face.

"What happened?" She asked distantly.

"Your heart stopped. Abby had to revive you and give you some sort of feeding tube in your nose."

She sniffed slightly, then reached up and gently touched the tube and tape.

"Is it going to help?"

"Abby thinks so."

"I feel like I got hit by a truck."

"I'm sorry."

"Wait, why did my heart stop?"

"Abby said it had something to do with a preexisting heart condition."

"Oh. Shit, I forgot..."

"You knew about it?"

"Yeah. That was why I didn't get picked for the program back on the Arc. They were afraid I was going to kick it if I was in Zero-G."

"Oh. Well, Abby put you on a heart medication, so hopefully you'll be feeling great in no time."

"Yeah, hopefully," Raven said, putting a hand on her still-flat stomach and rubbing her thumb across it.

"We'll feel great in no time," she said softly, continuing to rub her belly.

* * *

 **To those of you who have been writing reviews, thank you so much! I love getting feedback on my work, and would love to hear from anyone and everyone who is reading this story!**

 **What are your predictions? What do you _want_ to happen? Let me know, and I might just use your ideas!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, sorry this took a while. I'm preparing for exams, and things are crazy. I can't guarantee another chapter until later in December, because of school.**

* * *

For the next week, Raven was pumped full of anti-emetics and nutrition. She didn't gain any weight at first, but at least she wasn't losing any. She was still tired, with the energy to do little more than make her way to the bathroom, eat a few bites here and there, and sleep.

One day that week, Bellamy and Jasper came to see her. She had decided, even though it was still early, she would tell them why she had been sick for so long.

"Hi," Bellamy said, coming in. He moved over to her and hugged her gently. Jasper did the same, unable to keep his eyes off the nj tube.

"How are you?" Bellamy asked, sitting down.

"Better."

"Really? You lo-" Jasper was cut off by Bellamy's elbow in his ribs.

"I know," Raven said, smiling, "I look like shit."

Jasper merely blinked. He looked awful. Raven knew he was struggling with grief, and felt bad that she hadn't been able to be there for him the past month.

"Jasper, how are you?"

"I'm um… Getting by."

She nodded.

"Raven, how are you?" Bellamy asked. He hadn't seen her at all since she had been sick. He was teaching survival and hunting skills to some of people from the Arc, which kept him busy.

"I'm getting better. The feeding tube will help a lot. Actually, Abby says I can probably move back to my tent soon."

"I didn't realize things were so bad to begin with," Bellamy said apologetically.

"It's alright. Uh, I thought I'd let you guys know what's going on. I have been sick, but the reason for that is that I'm pregnant." The words jumbled out quickly, and she waited for their response.

"Is it-" Bellamy started.

"It's Wick's."

"Wow, Raven," Jasper's eyes were huge.

"I know. It came as a big surprise. But Wick and I are happy, and maybe starting something new around here will help…"

"Congratulations," Bellamy said, still looking a bit stunned.

"Thanks."

The rest of their conversation was a bit awkward, and Raven almost wished she hadn't told them.

* * *

That afternoon, Octavia came in after a work shift. She seemed tense as she entered the room. Raven hadn't seen her since she had almost died.

"Hey Raven."

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Still pretty crappy. The meds are helping, but I'm still throwing up a couple of times a day."

"At least you're still getting food with the tube, right?"

She nodded.

"It's pretty uncomfortable, but it's good. It's helping," she said, realizing that she was rubbing her belly. Though she was only 2 months pregnant, this baby had already become such a huge part of her life. Her thoughts were interrupted by a sigh from her warrior friend. Raven looked up and studied Octavia. There were deep bags under the girl's eyes, and she looked as if she hadn't slept in quite a while.

"Are they over-working you over at food prep? You look… well, probably worse than I do."

"I'm fine," Octavia said, with an edge to her voice.

"Alright," the pregnant woman said, eyebrows raised. "Oh, I told Jasper and Bellamy this morning."

"Yeah? How'd it go?"

"I don't know. They were both kind of weird."

"Men. Don't worry, they'll get over it."

"I hope so."

* * *

Raven's energy level ever so slowly began to improve, and by the next week, she was awake for up to 8 hours a day, and was beginning to get bored. Abby was changing the feed going into Raven's nj tube, when she finally said what the girl had been waiting to hear for weeks.

"Raven, I think you're ready to move back to your tent."

"Really?" The woman asked excitedly.

"Yes. You'll need to come in for liquids probably twice a day."

She nodded.

"And I still want you to take at least another week off of work."

"Aww, Abby. Come on!"

"Raven, A week ago you nearly died. I doubt you could stand for long periods of time right now anyway"

She sighed.

Just then, Wick came in with something in his hands.

"Abby told me that you're going back to your tent today."

"Yup. What's that?"

"It's a backpack for your nj pump. It'll be more portable."

"Thanks, Wick."

"Alright, you're all set. Wick, will you help Raven back to her tent?"

"My pleasure." He was about to pick her up, when she stopped him.

"Uh, no. I can walk."

He nodded, grabbing her leg brace and handing it to her. As she put it on, he put the nj pump into the backpack, putting it on his own shoulders. As she got up, he tucked his arm around her, and that's how they walked out into the camp. Raven grew tired halfway to her tent, and she became glad for Wick's support, leaning on him heavily.

"Raven!" The girl saw Octavia running over to them.

"Good to see you up and about for more than a piss!"

The mechanic smiled wearily.

"You headed back toward your tent?"

She nodded.

"Want some company?"

"Sure."

The warrior girl walked along with the two, and when they got to Raven's tent, she helped settle Raven on her cot while Wick went back to the lab. The womanl pulled off her brace, laying down and catching her breath. She noticed that Octavia's eyes were bloodshot and she had increasingly purple shadows under them. She was looking even worse than the last time she had seen her.

"Octavia, why do you look like you haven't slept in a week?"

"I'm fine."

"Wow. That was a lie if I ever heard one. What's up?"

"Nothing. I'm okay."

"Come on, O. Cut the shit."

"I uh… haven't been sleeping well."

"Why?"

"Nightmares."

"Oh."

"Not just like… normal ones. They feel real. When I wake up, it feels like I'm still in them. It feels like I can't breathe."

"What kind of things are you dreaming about?"

"Those people… all those children."

"Mount Weather?"

She nodded.

"I've been having nightmares too."

"About Murphy?"

"Nah. More about Mount Weather and Finn."

Octavia nodded. "We're all pretty screwed up, aren't we?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Speaking of screwed up, where's Clarke? Has anyone heard from her?"

"Not since we got back from Mount Weather. Abby has sent out search parties, but Clarke knows enough to not be found if she doesn't want to be."

"Do you think she'll come back?"

"Maybe. I don't know. She has a lot of guilt resting on her. It would take a lot for her to come back. Why? Do you want her to come back?"

"I guess I feel like we all have blame. I hope that's not the only thing that's keeping her away. I guess I hope she's safe wherever she is."

"I do too."

* * *

Raven woke up that night hearing screams from several tents away. She thought she recognized the voice, and immediately sat up. Her NJ tube feed was pumping, so she put the bag of liquid into her backpack, strapped on her brace and then went outside into the chilly night air. Jasper was outside Octavia's tent, looking uncomfortable. Raven knew Lincoln had gone out hunting for the night, so the warrior girl was alone. Without hesitation, Raven opened the flap and, adjusting her brace, knelt down next to Octavia's bed. She was thrashing and screaming.

"Hey, wake up."

The girl screamed, covering her ears with her hands.

"Octavia, it's me. It's Raven. Wake up!"

She let out a few more screams, which changed to yelps, and then whimpers.

"It's okay. It's okay." Raven wasn't sure if the girl was awake yet, but she attempted to put a hand on the girl's shoulder. She realized too late that this was a bad idea when Octavia lashed out, jerking her elbow into Raven's jaw. The kneeling woman fell backward, stunned. She laid there for a few minutes before rising, checking that her pump and NJ tube were still okay. Octavia had stopped thrashing, and was curled into herself, crying.

"Are you awake?"

She heard several shaky breaths, then a soft "Mhm."

"Can I lay down next to you?"

A pause, then another "mhm."

She got up slowly, making sure she wasn't going to pass out, then set her backpack on the stump next to Octavia's bed. Crawling onto the cot, she pulled up the blanket that had been kicked to the end of the bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay." Raven put her arm around Octavia's waist. "Just try to rest."

* * *

The next morning, Raven woke up with the urgent need to throw up, and found herself quite disoriented in Octavia's tent. She pulled her brace on haphazardly and grabbed her backpack, She somehow made it outside, where she threw up as close to the fence as she dared. When she was done, she noticed that her jaw was extremely sore, and reached up to find it swollen.

"Sorry about that," Octavia said from a few feet away. She must have followed her outside.

"Don't worry about it."

"Are you going to try to eat some breakfast?"

"I guess I'll try."

Raven readjusted the straps on her brace, then followed Octavia toward main camp. Halfway there, she grabbed Octavia's shoulder, gasping for breath.

"Are you okay? Is it your heart?" the girl asked quickly, searching Raven's face.

"I'm fine. I just need a break. And maybe a shoulder to lean on."

Octavia waited until Raven had caught her breath, then let the older girl lean on her while she wrapped her arm around Raven's waist. The two walked into main camp together, both shooting death glares at anyone who stared too long at Raven. They sat down at one of the tables where a few of their friends sat. Surprisingly, Jasper and Bellamy seemed to be more comfortable around Raven now. They caught her up on things that were happening around camp, and Raven started to feel included and welcome again.

* * *

 **Please leave reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's a little update. It's a little sappy, but I don't care.**

* * *

Finally, Abby cleared Raven for work. She woke up earlier than usual, excited to be productive again. She threw up twice within her first 20 minutes of being up, but tried not to let that discourage her.

"Hey Wrench Monkey," Wick greeted her, as they both walked toward the lab. That day, they were working on reworking the heating system on the crashed arc so that it could be used with a wood-burning furnace.

After sitting in one of the vents for several hours that afternoon, welding, Raven dropped her backpack ahead of her, then emerged and tumbled to the ground, grunting slightly as she landed hard on her hands and behind.

"Woah, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Wick," she said, pulling off her helmet and gloves, and grabbing her feed backpack, which she had dropped down ahead of her.

"You've gotta be careful."

"Lay off it, Wick. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I need to be treated like I'm broken."

"Raven, come on."

"Maybe I shouldn't be working at all, huh Wick? Maybe I should just stay in bed for the rest of my life! Cause I'm just some weak girl, right? Some weak, broken, slutty girl who nobody could ever respect!"

She stormed out of the room

* * *

That night, Raven stopped by the med bay to get a new bag of nutrients from Abby.

"How much did you keep down today?" Abby asked, taking her blood pressure.

"I was too nauseated for breakfast this morning, and I had some lunch, but I threw it up."

"What about dinner?"

"I was too angry for dinner."

"Angry?"

"Wick was being so patronizing today. I couldn't stand it."

"Patronizing how?"

"He keeps acting like I'm made of glass. I'm just trying to get work done, and he keeps trying to protect me or whatever."

"That must be frustrating."

"It is. I mean, I have doubts already. I'm scared shitless about being a mom. I don't need him acting like I'm incapable too. I need him to believe in me; believe I can do this."

"Have you told him that?"

"Well… sort of. I guess, not really. I just get so pissed."

"You should try. He seems like a pretty good guy, Raven. I think if you ask him to listen, he'll try to do what you ask."

"I guess I'll try."

"Good, now let me take a look at your wrist."

"What? Why?"

"It's swollen."

Raven hissed as Abby picked up her wrist.

"Can you try to move it?"

Raven, did, and yelped in pain.

"Alright. I'm going to wrap this. It's a sprain."

"Damn it."

"What were you doing when this happened?" Abby asked, wrapping her hand with a stretchy bandage.

"Jumping out of an air vent."

"Hmm… Well, I don't want to patronize you, but you probably should take it a little easier. No heavy lifting with this hand for a couple of weeks, okay?"

Raven glared at Abby. "Fine."

"I'll get your meds and liquids."

Abby mixed together the concoction, then poured it into a bag and switched it out for the finished bag connected to the pump.

"How's your tube feeling?"

"My throat is kind of sore."

"Is it bearable?"

"Yeah, just a little annoying."

"Okay. Let me know if it gets worse. I'm hoping you can tolerate the nj tube for a couple of months, and then we'll have you feeling well enough that you don't need it."

* * *

The next morning when Raven went into the lab, Wick was waiting.

"Hey," she said quietly, sitting down on a stool.

"Hi Raven."

"I uh… I'm sorry for yelling at you yesterday."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. It's just… I'm so scared, Wick."

"It's going to be okay."

"Please, just listen," she said a bit loudly.

"Okay."

"I'm scared. And I have a right to be scared. We are struggling for survival, and now I have to raise this baby. As tough as I have been down here on the ground, I'm starting to lose my faith in myself. And every time you baby me, it feels like you're telling me that I can't do this."

Wick waited for her to continue, but she didn't.

"Can I say something?"

Raven nodded.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you can't do this. You can. Hell, Raven, you're the strongest woman I know. You can do anything. I want to support you. I want you to be safe, but I don't think you're broken. I think you have more strength than you know; that can be dangerous. It can be scary to see you push yourself so hard and not even realize that you could get hurt. But I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you feel broken or weak. So if you want me to, I'll leave you alone."

"Wick, that's exactly the opposite of what I want. I want you. I love you." She surprised herself with the words, but once she had said them, she knew they were true.

"Raven…" He was speechless.

"Oh. I fucked it all up, didn't I? You don't… You don't love me…"

"Of course I do!" he practically yelled, moving over and hugging her and kissing her lips. "I never thought you'd admit it, but I knew you loved me, and I love you, Raven. I love you so much."

Raven kissed Wick, trying not to cry as a sense of relief washed over her. When her mother had drunk herself to death, Raven had thought her heart would be cold forever. Then, when Finn had died, despite him cheating on her, she had truly thought she'd never feel anything again; she hadn't thought she'd ever feel happy. Now, somehow, she was. Sure, there was still fear and pain. But these paled in the light of the love she felt. She knew she was going to be okay.

* * *

 **Please leave a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Raven woke up at 1am, and bolted out of her tent, heaving.

"R-raven?" Came Octavia's voice.

She hiccuped. She couldn't lift her head yet, but waved a hand in Octavia's direction. Octavia put a hand on the woman's back. When Raven was done, she lifted her head, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

"Why are you up? More nightmares?"

"I haven't slept in two days."

"Good lord, O."

"I can't. Everytime I close my eyes I…"

"Okay." She grabbed the girl's hand, and Octavia helped her up.

"Come to my tent."

"Raven, I'll be fine."

"Nope, you're sleeping in my bed."

Octavia allowed Raven to drag her back to her bed, tucking her under a blanket.

"You know, Wick said he loved me today," the mechanic said, hanging her backpack on a pole by her bed.

"He did?"

"Yeah. Actually, I said it first."

"Wow, Raven!"

"Yeah."

"Do you think you'll get married?"

"I don't know..."

"Wow."

"Yeah. How are you and Lincoln doing?"

"Okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah. Uh, he doesn't really understand me right now."

"Really? I feel like because he's been a warrior his whole life, he'd get it more than anyone."

"He gets the reasons I feel… how I feel. But he doesn't understand _what_ I'm feeling."

"And… What are you feeling?"

"Alone."

* * *

Raven was nearly 4 months pregnant when her baby bump began to show. She couldn't stop staring at it every chance she got. Wick got a happy, goofy grin on his face every time he saw her, and sometimes he would sneak up behind her and kiss her neck, and wrap his hands around her and around her belly. As her life grew happy and full, she couldn't help but notice Octavia shriveling in on herself. The girl became more and more closed off, and Raven was worried.

* * *

Several times a week, Wick and Raven slept together. Most of what they did was truly just sleeping. Raven often had little energy by nighttime to do anything more than sleep. Occasionally, though, their nights were spent enjoying each other. On one such night, Raven and Wick were catching their breath, laying next to each other, when Wick looked over with a goofy grin on his face.

"What's that look, Wick?"

"I have a really good idea."

"Kyle, I don't think I can go for another round. I'm exhausted."

"No, not that. But that's a good idea too," he said cheekily, sliding his hand across her bare thigh as she smiled.

"I think it'd be a really good idea… for us to get married."

"Why?" Raven asked, untangling her NJ tube and tucking it behind her ear.

"Why what?"

"Why should we get married?"

"Well… We're having a baby."

"So?"

"So… I want to be involved in the baby's life."

"Yeah, I want you to too. But that doesn't mean we have to be married."

"Well… I love you."

"I love you too. But that doesn't mean we have to be married."

"Raven, I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Y-you do?"

"Yeah. And getting married would be my promise to do that."

"I think we should talk more about it."

"Okay," Wick said, sounding slightly dejected.

"I'm not saying no. But I think we need to get to know each other better. I want you to really be sure. I don't want you to make promises you can't keep."

"Okay. We'll get to know each other. But I'm not giving up on my idea. I think you'd make a great wife."

She snorted at this. She'd be a terrible wife. But she couldn't help hoping that maybe once he knew everything about her, all her brokenness and flaws, he'd still love her.

* * *

They went to breakfast together that morning, and Raven managed a small piece of meat before getting up quickly and emptying her stomach near the fence. She still went to work, but there wasn't a lot to do that day. Every few weeks, there would be a lull in their work load, and those times tended to be when they fought the most. Neither enjoyed being idle, and this made them more irritable than usual.

Not anxious to get in a fight, Raven went off to find Octavia. She found her in one of the areas of the Arc most young people hung out. She was alone, drinking from a flask, which Raven snatched out of her hands.

"Hey!" she snapped, turning and seeing Raven. The older girl sniffed the bottle.

"Geez. It's gotta be a bad morning if you're drinking this at 9am."

"Come on, Raven. Give it back."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Oh yeah. I drown myself in alcohol when nothing's wrong too."

"I just feel so shitty all the time," Octavia mumbled, her voice breaking. "It feels like nothing's ever going to get better. I feel like I'm suffocating." Her hands began to shake.

"It's okay," Raven said, pulling her into a tight hug.

"No, it's not."

Raven sat with her for a long time. Neither of them spoke much. After an hour or two, Octavia gave a small shiver, her eyes unfocused.

"Octavia?"

She didn't respond.

"Hey, look at me," Raven said, shaking her.

The girl burst into tears.

"You're safe. Everyone's okay," Raven said softly, rubbing the girl's back.

"I'm so tired."

"Why don't you go back to your tent and take a nap?"

She nodded, getting up.

"But I'm taking this," Raven said, grabbing the flask.

"Why? It's not like you can drink?"

"O, I'm not going to let you drink yourself stupid like my mom did. You're not going to do that. Besides, you're sixteen. Your brain still has growing to do."

Raven felt guilty leaving Octavia in such a bad mood, but knew she needed to check in at the lab.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading. I would love a few more suggestions for this story. I know some of what I want to do, but some is still open for ideas.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Alright. I tried to avoid this, but sometimes the writing muse just hits you and it's awful. This chapter is not a happy one.**

 **TRIGGER WARNING for descriptions of suicidal ideation and related things. Please do NOT read this if it will trigger you. Stay safe, guys.**

* * *

Two days later, the lull in the lab ended. It had been requested that they design and manufacture ovens and stoves with ventilation so that the cooking could be done indoors as the freezing weather made it harder to bear the outdoors. Raven and Wick were busy at work when Abby burst in.

"Raven, we need you in the med bay."

"Why? I'm doing fine."

"It's not you. It's Octavia."

Raven quickly followed the woman, grabbing the warm fur wrap she used outside. As they walked through the camp, Raven noticed Abby struggling for control over her emotions.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Raven asked, yelling over the howling wind.

"She's not well," Abby said cryptically.

When they got to the medbay, Octavia was laying on the bed, sobbing. Lincoln was holding one of her arms in at her side, and the other extended, while Jackson was stitching a gaping wound on her right wrist.

"Abby, we turned away for 30 seconds and she tore half her stitches out." Jackson said in a quiet voice. Abby sighed.

At that, Octavia tried to to wrench out of Lincoln's grasp. Her left hand, which Lincoln was pinning to the table, was in an odd-looking brace that extended midway down her arm. Jackson carefully bandaged her right wrist, checking the IV in that arm's elbow before nodding to Lincoln. The man brought the wrist back toward Octavia's body. She let out a sort of growling noise, trying to escape.

"Octavia, what happened? What's wrong?" Raven asked, bewildered.

"Let me go," she spat toward Lincoln

"Are you going to rip at your stitches again?" The man asked her.

"Fuck you!" she said weakly, trying to yell. Her face and lips were washed out, and she looked defeated.

"What happened to her?" Raven asked Abby, horrified.

"She tried to kill herself."  
"What?" Her heart felt like it had suddenly dropped into her abdomen. "How?"

"One of her knives," Lincoln said.

"Oh god," Raven said, sinking to a chair so her working knee didn't give out.

Octavia let out a little shriek and continued to sob.

Raven felt completely responsible. She had known Octavia was anxious, but hadn't know she was depressed, or desperate. Maybe she should have known. Maybe she should have told someone. But who? It's not like there was someone who could just fix her.

"O, what happened? Why didn't you tell anyone it was this bad?" She asked, feeling hysterical and unsure what to do.

"Let me go," she said furiously, thrashing wildly in Lincoln's grasp.

"Octavia, it's him or restraints. You decide," Abby said flatly.

"I wanna die. Please just let me die," the girl said, her voice crackling.

"Octavia, we're not going to let that happen." Lincoln said.

Raven couldn't hold back the tears that had begun to gather in her own eyes.

"It's okay, Octavia. It's okay," she said, trying to sound soothing.

"No, it's not okay! I'm done! I'm done…"

Just then, Bellamy came through the door.

"Octavia," he said breathlessly, running over to her.

The girl squeezed her eyes shut, her breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps.

"Octavia, try to calm down," Abby said.

She started shaking badly and soon began hyperventilating.

"Alright, she needs space. Everyone out."

"But-" Bellamy started.

"Out! You too, Lincoln." Abby commanded.

"But she might hurt herself."

"She's not capable of that right now. I'll stay with her."

Lincoln reluctantly let go of her, following Bellamy, Jackson, and Raven out of the room.

* * *

"What happened to her?" Bellamy asked, leaning heavily on the wall.

"She hurt herself," Lincoln said in a low voice. "Slit her wrists with a knife."

"Oh god. Why? Did you two know she was feeling like this?"

"I knew she was feeling anxious and sad, but I didn't know she was this bad," Raven said regretfully.

"She's been reckless and depressed but I never thought…" Lincoln trailed off.

"I can't believe I didn't notice. I can't believe she didn't tell me." Bellamy said, putting his head in his hands.

"Jackson, why does she have that cast thing?" Raven asked.

"She damaged some tendons and nerves in her wrist. Abby repaired as much as she could. That brace keeps hand and fingers bent forward, which keeps tendons slack so that they can heal properly. She still might have trouble straightening her middle and ring finger, and she will definitely have some numbness in her hand. But she's lucky to be alive. She knew what she was doing. It's lucky Lincoln found her so quickly, with the way she was bleeding-"

"Sorry," Raven said abruptly, running outside to throw up.

* * *

She made it back to the lab a half an hour later, feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, though it was still morning.

"Hey, is Octavia okay?"

She burst into tears, shaking her head.

"Hey," he said, pulling her close.

"She's not okay."

"What happened?"

"She slit her wrists."

"Oh wow."

"It's all my fault."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is! I should have done more. I should have told someone that she was feeling bad… or… something."

"She didn't… She's alive, right?"

"Yeah. Lincoln found her in time."

"Okay."

She buried her face in his chest, and he held her, rubbing her back soothingly.

* * *

Raven couldn't focus on her work that day, and kept making stupid mistakes. She couldn't keep lunch down, thinking of the way Octavia had sobbed and thrashed. By afternoon, she was useless in the lab.

"Rae, why don't you just go back to see her? I'm fine here, and you're getting nothing done."

"Thanks Wick," she said quietly, kissing him on the cheek before leaving for the med bay.

When she got to the girl's room, Octavia was awake.

"Hi," she said, approaching the overly pale girl.

"Hi."

"Are you feeling better?"

"No."

"I'm so sorry I didn't realize how bad you were doing."

"It's alright."

"No it's not. I almost lost you. I don't know if I could bear losing you."

Octavia didn't respond. Raven noticed that the girl's wrists were in cuffs attached to the bottom of the bed, making her unable to move them far.

"How're your wrists?"

"They hurt."

Raven didn't know what to say.

"I don't really understand why you did this, Octavia."

"Abby says I'm in a major depressive episode, whatever that means. It's like I'm suffocating. When I was laying there bleeding out, it felt like I could finally breathe."

Raven felt like she had been punched in the gut.

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?"

"No."

"Okay. Well, can I sit with you?"

She nodded.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Octavia twitched.

"You okay?"

"My arm is itchy." She shifted uncomfortably. "Can you itch it? Please?"

"Is it your wrist?"

"No, upper arm."

Raven reached and scratched her upper arm.

"A little higher, yeah right there." Octavia sighed in relief.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

Raven couldn't help but notice that Octavia's hair was frizzy and much of it had gotten loose of her braided updo.

"Hey, can I re-braid your hair, O?"

She nodded, and Raven made her way behind the head of the bed, gently pulling the girl's hair out of her updo, and untangling it. Octavia shut her eyes, relaxing slightly. As Raven started re-braiding the girl's hair, Bellamy came in.

"Hey Octavia," he said softly.

She made eye contact, but didn't say anything.

"How are-"

"Let me answer your questions before you ask," Octavia interrupted him. "I'm fine. No, I don't want to talk about what I did. No, I didn't have a good reason to do it. Yes, my wrists hurt like hell and my left hand is completely numb. And no, I don't want to talk about your feelings."

Bellamy just stared at her.

"Here's a question you didn't answer. Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? It sounds like Raven and Lincoln both knew you weren't okay. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell them. They found out. I didn't tell them and I didn't tell you because I knew you'd all react this way."

"What way?"

"All hurt and weird and uncomfortable even though _I'm_ the one dealing with this. I knew you wouldn't understand. I don't even understand why I feel like this, really. But this isn't about you. Your feelings aren't going to make me better, they're just going to make me feel like more weak, cowardly failure than I already am."

"You're not a failure."

"Stop, okay? Just stop. Stop trying to fix me and either listen or leave me alone."

"Okay."

Raven didn't say a word as she finished braiding the girl's hair and sat back down. At some point, she reached and held the girl's still-restrained hand.

Abby came in, checking the girl's vitals.

"Octavia, how are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"Emotionally or physically?"

"Both."

"Do you want some more painkillers?"

She nodded.

"Your blood pressure is still low," Abby said, connecting a small bag to Octavia's IV line. "That's what I expected. Your body is going to take a while to recuperate."

"Can you take off these damn restraints?"

"Honey, you've tried to end your life today, and then when we left you alone for a few minutes, you tried again. I think you can understand why I'm a little reluctant to take them off."

"Please. Just for a little bit."

"Bellamy, how long will you be here?"

"All night."

"Alright, I'll take them off for a few hours."

She nodded, sighing in relief as Abby took off one of the padded cuffs, then the other.

"Bellamy, Raven, watch her."

The girl didn't do much besides stare down at her wrists.

"Octavia, I'm going to grab some food. If I bring some back, will you eat it?" Raven asked.

"I guess."

Raven went to the dining area of the arc, grabbing herself and Octavia some food.

"Raven, have you seen Octavia?" Jasper said from behind her.

She turned, unsure of what to say.

"Uh, she wasn't feeling well. She's in the med bay."

"She's not pregnant too, is she?"

"No," Raven said, quickly turning and walking back to the med bay. She wished it could be something happy like that instead of what it truly was.

* * *

That night, despite Abby's protests, Lincoln, Bellamy, and Raven all slept in Octavia's room in the med bay. Raven had hung her backpack on the same pole as Octavia's IV bag, and through the night the sound of the pump clicking marked the passage of time. Octavia had a horrible nightmare that night. When she awoke, she flew into a panic before they could do much of anything, and she thrashed violently against her restraints. Her screams sent shivers down Raven's spine. It took hours for her to calm down.

They met the morning with weary hearts and shadows beneath their eyes. Lincoln was still sitting on the edge of Octavia's bed, rubbing her fingers gently. He had slept perhaps even less than Octavia. Bellamy hugged Raven before they parted.

"Thanks for being here for her. I know she may not act like it, but it means a lot to her." Bellamy said.

Raven nodded solemnly.

* * *

 **Try not to hate me and leave a review if you can! It's really nice to hear that people are actually reading and enjoying my work.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Yay! This story is back!**

* * *

No one was quite sure what to do with Octavia. She was still horribly depressed, and no one really felt comfortable leaving her alone for long. But she was getting better physically; her blood pressure returning to normal and her color coming back. Her left hand was still in the brace, which held her hand and fingers bent forward at a 20 degree angle, making work duty impossible. At first Bellamy said he wanted to keep an eye on her, but of course he was out in the woods. No one went past the walls without a weapon, but she couldn't be trusted to carry a weapon. The same problem occured with Lincoln. It was eventually decided that she would be helping out at the lab with Raven and Wick until she could be trusted on her own.

"Helping out" mostly meant sitting on one of the workshop stools and listening to Wick and Raven argue over designs.

"You've got to think realistically, Wick!"

"I am. This design is amazing."

"But it's not practical! It's going to overheat and set the kitchen on fire, and then the gas is going to catch, and we'll all be toast."

"So it needs a little work."

"It needs a _lot_ of work!"

Raven glanced over to Octavia, then did a double-take, noticing that the girl had gone a bit grey and was cupping her hands over her ears.

"O? Hey, what's going on?"

"S-sorry. I don't f-feel good." her voice was too soft, and she wouldn't look Raven in the eyes.

"Okay, it's okay." Raven said gently, putting her hands over Octavia's, and rubbing the girl's fingers.

"I'm sorry," Octavia said shakily, beginning to cry.

"No, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Octavia sniffled and ducked her head even lower.

"I'm sorry," she said again, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Is it the noise?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to get out of here? Maybe go for a walk?"

She nodded and Raven grabbed her right hand. The wind was awful, and the snow on the ground made their toes numb, but Octavia felt like she could breathe again.

* * *

The winter months were hard. Raven's belly had stretched out her grey shirt until she could no longer wear it without exposing half of her stomach to the world. Thankfully, a recently pregnant woman traded shirts with her. Her baby bump, which she at first had thought was cute, was now a pain in the ass. It itched terribly, but everyone scolded her for scratching at it till her skin was red and raw. Fortunately, she was feeling better. She still had nausea, but it was bearable. Abby removed her nj tube a week before she hit six months pregnant.

Winter weather made almost everything different. It was hard to find food, and everyone's rations were smaller. With no fruit and only a few vegetables available, people were getting sick left and right. The frigid temperatures left everyone with chapped lips and dry, itchy skin. Abby treated many people with frostbite and a few cases of hypothermia.

* * *

Octavia was sitting in the lab, watching Wick line up the pipes for a stove, when Bellamy burst into the room.

"She's back. Clarke is back. We found her in the woods."

"Is she okay?" Raven asks, popping out from underneath a piece of machinery.

"Abby's checking her out. She could walk, but she didn't say much."

"Can we see her?" Octavia asks.

"Probably later today."

Sure enough, 3 hours later, Raven and Octavia got to see Raven in the med bay. The blonde had grime seeping out of her hairline, fingernails, nose. She looked like she'd forgotten how to smile, and her appearance seeped fury and darkness.

"Looks like you two have been busy," she said in a gravelly voice.

"Where have you been?" Octavia asked. It was rare for her to make conversation these days.

"Wandering. I went up north, visited some trading posts. Befriended all the grounder tribes. They call me queen."

"Really?" Raven asked skeptically.

"No. Well, the first part was true, I did check out the trading posts. I actually stayed at one for a while."

"Why did you come back?"

"I have a message from the Ice Nation. They say they'll join forces with the sky people if you'll show them how to build guns and make gunpowder. They knew if they sent one of their own people to tell you, you'd probably just shoot them. Don't let it spread, though. So Raven, is that baby Finn's or Wick's?"

"None of your damn business. But it's Wick's."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes."

Clarke certainly wasn't endearing herself to anyone. She was harsh and cold and gritty. The current army commander, a man named Pike, had a meeting with her, and two short days later, the Chancellor's daughter was gone again. Bellamy mentioned to Octavia that negotiations would start with the Ice Nation within the next couple of days. Things were changing rapidly, and Octavia wanted to muster up the motivation to force her way into the negotiations, or talk with Indra, or do _something_. But she couldn't. Her depression had begun to mingle with anxiety. She felt an indescribable dread mixed with paralyzing apathy, and it made her feel like she was going crazy.

Raven had begun to detect Octavia's anxiety before it got bad enough that she couldn't breathe or function. She had started noticing the way the girl's shoulders would twitch a bit when things were getting hard. She noticed how Octavia's right hand would clench, and her jaw would set, and she would hold her breath subconsciously. And then she would know it was time to step in; time to firmly hold Octavia's right hand, grounding her; time to hug her so hard it almost hurt; time to model steady breathing against her chest, trying to get her to breathe. Although it was hard for Raven to see her friend in such a bad place, she was happy that the focus was off herself for a while. She needed a purpose beyond surviving, and taking care of Octavia, finishing the kitchen for the Ark, and sneaking off to Wick's tent at night left her feeling that her life was full and right.

* * *

 **Please leave reviews and suggestions!**


	10. Chapter 10

Octavia was physically almost well again. Abby had given her physical therapy exercises for her wrist. Her mobility was better, but her left hand was still completely numb, and lacked the dexterity for anything more than a rough grasp. Meanwhile, as she slowly emerged from feeling nothing, her panic attacks increased. Lincoln and Raven were the most adept at taking care of her.

"Octavia, do you want to learn how to strip wires?" Raven asked one morning. "We're repurposing pieces from the Arc, and could use your help."

"I'm not sure I can with my hand the way it is."

"Here, see if you can hold this piece," she said, placing a bit of copper wire partially covered in green plastic in Octavia's grasp. The girl's hand shook, but she didn't drop it.

"Hey, that's good!"

"I can't really feel it."

"It's a start, anyway."

Octavia became Raven's assistant after that. It wasn't really what she was meant for. She was clumsy with the tools, and often didn't understand when Raven explained something mechanical. She was supposed to fight, and she couldn't. She was alive, but she felt like she'd lost her purpose.

* * *

Wick watched Raven care for Octavia and continue working on the wiring for the giant Arc kitchen. She often worked beyond her limits, and went to bed exhausted. Meanwhile, he couldn't help falling more in love with her. They had started getting creative with their lovemaking as her belly got bigger, but many nights they just ended up cuddling together. He often would rub her tired feet or the knots in her shoulders. She was tired of being tired, and although she had two more months to go, she felt thoroughly ready to get the baby out of her.

One day at lunch hour, a woman approached her. Raven recognized her from Mecha station, but they had never spoken.

"Raven, I'm Sofia. I was on Mecha station."

"Yeah, I've seen you around."

"Well, I have some things I thought you should have. See, I had my little girl a few years ago. I thought I would have more babies, but my husband, he didn't survive the landing. I won't be having any more children, so I thought you should have these things." The woman handed Raven a bag. Inside it was a few burping cloths, several pieces of clothing, from tiny up through clothing for a two or three year old, and 10 cloth diapers.

"Thank you so much, Sophia. I don't know how to repay you."

"You don't have to. As a mama, you need these things. When you're done with them, you can pass them on to another mama."

"Thank you," she said again, getting flushed.

* * *

She was horribly off balance as her belly grew bigger day by day. She stumbled a lot, and Abby and Wick scolded her, telling her she was going too fast. She was starting to waddle, more than walk. Her belly cracked with stretch-marks, and Abby had to put cream on it to help stop the itchy pain. Her whole body just felt off. One day, as she was walking back from a simple pipe fix, she began to feel a cinching around her waist. It felt like all of her muscles were contracting at once. It knocked the breath out of her, and she bent over, trying to breathe.

"Rae, you okay?" Wick stopped next to her, putting a hand on her back.

"I don't know. My stomach feels weird.

"Is it the baby? Is it coming already?"

"I don't know, I-" She was cut off by a slightly painful tugging feeling, and just tried to breathe.

"I'll go get Abby. I'll be right back. Stay here!" He ran off.

A few minutes later, her pain seemed to have gone away, and Wick was dragging Abby toward Raven.

"Raven, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so."

After an examination, Abby said Raven was likely experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions, which meant that everything was going according to schedule.

* * *

Two weeks later, Raven was having lunch when she needed to go to the bathroom _right that minute._ She bolted up and walked (waddled) her way to the latrines. Octavia had gone to make sure she was okay, and she heard a soft "What the fuck?" from behind the closed door.

"Rae, you okay in there?"

"Uhhhh. I guess."

"What's going on?"

"Uhhh, nothing."

"It doesn't sound like nothing."

"Shut up."

She emerged from the latrine looking a bit pink.

"Do you need to see Abby?"

"Maybe."

It turned out, what Raven had experienced was losing her mucus plug, a sign that her baby would be coming soon. She was grossed out, and spent most of the day shuddering about it.

* * *

The next day, Octavia went to the lab to help out, only to find Raven crying.

"Woah, role reversal right here."

She sniffled "Sorry."

"What's up?"

"Um, I'm…" She gathered her thoughts. "I'm scared."

"Raven, labor is short-lived. Even if it's a whole day, that's just one day, and then it'll be over and you'll have this awesome baby forever!"

"Not about labor, about being a mom."

"Oh."

"I mean, you know my mom wasn't… wasn't a good mom. What if I end up like that? I mean, she chose booze over feeding me. She barely even acknowledged me, and she's the only role model I ever had. How am I supposed to be a good mom?" She's crying again.

"Raven, a rock could be a better mom than your mom. There's no way you'll end up like her. I've seen the way you cared for Finn, hell, the way you care for me. You've got nurturing instincts coming out your ass. You're gonna do fine."

Raven nodded, not really sure if she believed her, but not knowing how to argue. Octavia reached to squeeze the mechanic's shoulder with her left hand, rubbing her thumb back and forth a few times. Raven's face lit up.

"Hey, that was pretty good."

"The thumb or the pep talk?"

"Well, I was talking about the thumb. But I guess the pep talk was okay too."

Octavia smiled and grabbed a machine that she was taking apart for the parts. Sometime's she forgot how fragile Raven's self-esteem was because she acted so tough. She made a mental note to check in with her about it more often.


End file.
